I have made a complete mess of everything! I feel like I have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide and at this point in time I want to crawl under a rock and cry forever! My ex boyfriend is a muslim. I am a hindu. We arent supposed to mix - so they say! Religion getting in the way of love - stupid! But it has happened. My family would never accept him. Why and how I got into the relationship is a blur but I spiralled into it and fell head over heels. Two years on we broke up - around June this year. Since then we have tried to stay friends - which hasn't worked. In my stupid head I think I was trying to stay close to him and not move on. Bad move! Because all the while he was trying to get over me and flirting with someone else - who happens to be a colleague of ours. We work for the same company but in different branches. How awkward is that!? Did he not think how it would make me feel? Am I being selfish for being annoyed with the new girl he likes? Or does he even like her? Does she think its okay to go after him? - because I think its completely out of order! So all the while Iv been pining for him like an idiot, hes been flirting with her and shes been flirting back. He said he wanted to be honest with me and that he hadnt asked her out but was going to. What did I do? Flip out at him! He's never yelled at me. Hes never gotten angry with me. He tried to calm me down n took three steps back. He didnt ask her out. I thought I was in the clear! I felt so much better knowing that he wouldnt ask her out. But she kept cropping up... Every few days. I became more and more insecure about her and on came the arguments. I felt helpless, upset, angry, hopeless! Why couldnt she just leave him alone! I think Im more annoyed that its her of all people because shes kinds been hitting on him since we were together... I think!
So I stalked him on fb - not just stalked him - logged into his account whilst hes on holiday! Bad move! Psycho move! I dont know what I was thinking but I found his message to her. It had his plans for the say and 'miss you xxxxx' at the end! What does madam reply? She talks about her shitty day and wants to go round for a comfort hug and she misses him too! Did I flip out? I whatsapped him whilst he is away and yet again - another argument. Only this time he's mad at me! About time too! He knows I went onto his fb and he knows I read his message and he's pissed. He has changed his password - fair enough! I would too! But now I feel like the real psycho ex girlfriend. I read the message and thought 'hes lied to me. he said nothing was going on but they are missing each other and wanting hugs or whatever else from each other so there is definitely something going on. surely i can hate him now and it will make it easier to move on'. but he messages me back telling me all of it and that there still isn't anything going on and it was harmless! He said that I had ruined his holiday and he was disappointed in me for reading his messages. Back to square one! I still love him and I still want to be with him but I cant! How do I move on? Thinking of ways to keep busy... hopefully work will take my mind off it until tonight!
